|The 2011 Rockefeller Center Hanukkah Bush will be lit for the first time tonight on NBC, with live and taped performances by famous Jews, from 7 P.M. - 9 P.M., at Rockefeller Plaza, between West 48th & West 51st Streets and 5th and 6th Avenues, Manhattan. Performers include Barbra Streisand, Simon & Garfunkel, The Three Adams (Sandler, Levine and Duritz), David Lee Roth, Bette Midler, Carole King and Neil Diamond. As an added surprise, the Short Jewish Gal of Sherman Oaks will celebrate the wonders of Hanukkah with an interpretive modern dance, to the tune of "I Had A Little Driedel." Free latkes and gelt on a first come, first serve basis. The Rockefeller Center Hanukkah Bush is a world-wide symbol of All Things Jewish. The giant bush, traditionally from Israel, is illuminated by 30,000 environmentally friendly LED lights on five miles of wire, and crowned by a Swarovski crystal Jewish star. Tens of thousands crowd the sidewalks for the event and hundreds of millions watch the Hanukkah Bush Lighting Ceremony broadcast live across the globe. So join us, won't you? We insist. And bring a sweater. It might be chilly.|
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
|... oh yes we do!|
When it comes to comfort movies, "Bye Bye, Birdie" tops my list. I watched it again the other night and enjoyed every corny moment. I was only five when the film came out, and from that point on, wanted to be Ann-Margret, with the long red hair and killer bod. I wanted to live in goyisha Sweet Apple. I wanted to go steady with Hugo. I wanted Conrad Birdie to kiss me on "Ed Sullivan." I wanted to slip into this cheeky song-and-dance fantasy, if only for a moment or two, and finally got my chance in junior high, when my friend Laurie and I performed "Kids!" for the Daddy-Daughter Dinner. You know it. You've sung it to your own offspring in one form or another: "Kids! I don't what's wrong with these kids today!" There we were on the big stage, Laurie and I, dressed in our dads' baggy pants,lip-synching to Paul Lynde's classic rant against "noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy loafers." Naturally, we rocked it. The reviews were stellar. According to our dads, we were "fantastic!" And while we're on the subject, a few months later, a bunch of us did "The Telephone Hour" for the Mother-Daughter Tea. It was a mini flash mob, as I recall. I can't remember how many of us were up there, or whether we actually sang, "What's the word hummingbird?" or pretended to, but once again, the reviews were stellar. According to our mothers, we were "sensational!" Sadly, my budding stage career ended right there. I never lip-synched again, never grew up to look like Ann-Margret, never wore bright pink skin-tight pants, never got pinned by Hugo. But I'm alright with that, I've made peace with it. As long as I can watch "Bye Bye, Birdie" every now and then, I'm good. Who needs goyisha Sweet Apple, when you've got the wonder, the charm, the excitement of Sherman Oaks?
Monday, November 28, 2011
|Not online, however.|
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
|Paul Simon, an unhappy turkey|
Paul Simon: Cut it. Forget it. Forget it, Richard. [ turns to the audience ] You know, I said, when the turkey concept was first brought up, I said there's a very good chance I'm gonna end up looking stupid if I come out wearing it. I mean, everyone said, "Oh, it's Thanksgiving, go ahead." You know, I felt it was not in any way in keeping with my image, the lyrics, "The Boxer", any of these songs. They said, "Hey, you know, you take yourself soooo seriously. Why don't you stop taking yourself soooo seriously for a while and loosen up a little bit, and maybe people will laugh. You want to be Mr. Alienation, you can be Mr. Alienation." Well, I didn't want to be Mr. Alienation. I want to be a regular guy, but I feel this has just been a disaster. I'm sorry. I'm just gonna go and change." He leaves the stage and walks out of the studio, toward his dressing room. Lorne Michaels waits in the corridor, clapping.
Lorne Michaels: Wonderful!
Paul Simon: You call that wonderful?
Lorne Michaels: What? You had a problem?
Paul Simon: That was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life!
Lorne Michaels: What? The band came in late?
Paul Simon: The band was fine! It's not the band!
Lorne Michaels: I don't understand what the problem is.
Paul Simon: The problem is, I'm singing "Still Crazy" in a turkey outfit. Well, would you like to sing in a turkey outfit?
Lorne Michaels: I thought it worked great!
Paul Simon: Yeah? What do I look like, Jan Michael Vincent, here? You think I'm looking good?
Lorne Michaels: You look great! Honestly! Why don't you just go change.
Paul Simon: Yeah, let's just do that. Let's just say it was a difference of opinion.
Lorne Michaels: Okay, maybe it was a difference of opinion, but I think it worked great. [ Paul tries to exit to the hallway, as Lorne faces the camera ] We'll be right back after this following message.
Paul Simon: [ stuck in door frame ] I can't fit through the door!
Lorne Michaels: [ rolling his eyes ] Alright, I'm coming.
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:15 AM
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
|My canine twin|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 7:29 AM
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Let's play football on the front lawn.Were there any Jewish Pilgrims?
Bring out the first turkey! The first turkey?
Who wants to say grace?
This turkey is to die for.
Your turkey is better than Carol's burnt cheesecloth turkey.
I heard that!
Let's sing a medley of Thanksgiving songs.
You're so funny when you're drunk.
Is this going in the blog?
Oh, @#$%, I spilled cranberry on my shirt.
Leave room for Andy's famous cheesecake.
These pants fit when I walked in.
I will now recite a short soliloquy on gratitude.
All credit cards accepted.
Excuse me while I Occupy this sofa.
Don't make me get out the pepper spray.
God bless Rick Perry.
Next year, Jerusalem.
You got so tall.
You got shorter.
Thanksgiving means thanks living.
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 7:34 AM
Monday, November 21, 2011
1. I don't have to take folding chairs out of the garage.
2. I don't have to take anything out of the garage.
3. I don't have to set the table.
4. I don't have to iron the table cloth.
5. I don't have to cram 24 people around the table.
6. I don't have to coordinate what 24 people are bringing.
7. I don't have to buy two turkeys.
8. I don't have to figure out new ways to ruin two turkeys.
9. I don't have to obsess over when two turkeys are done.
10. I don't have to host Thanksgiving.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
|Scott D at the mic|
|Never follow a fire-eater, or date one|
Saturday, November 19, 2011
|Formal Snuggie Wear|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 9:12 AM
Friday, November 18, 2011
|A source of parental worry|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 7:44 AM
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Usually, it happens around Thanksgiving. This year it's happening a week early. Usually, it's KOST-FM, my destination for "soft rock." This year, it's KOST-FM and the WAVE, my destination for "smooth jazz." Both radio stations that I listen to, in my fast-approaching, old fart-hood, for comfort and joy, are playing holiday music already, and I'm not talking "I Had A Little Dreidel." I'm talking "Deck the Halls." And it's not just the radio stations, it's the markets and the department stores, bombarding me with their Christmas-centric decorations and good cheer. What I wouldn't give to walk into Bloomies and see a bowl of glittering Hanukkah gelt on display. What I wouldn't give to walk into Macy's and see a platter of nice crisp latkes and a sign that says, "One per Jew." But it'll never happen, not even in Sherman Oaks, where Jews roam freely. Not that I have anything against Christmas. It's a lovely holiday. In December. The end of December. Right near Hanukkah. But Hanukkah gets no love on the radio, with the exception of that Adam Sandler song, or in the stores, with the exception of Gelson's, where I have yet to hear "Hark ye merry gentleman" over the loud speakers. Gelson's may be Jewish in spirit, but it remains wisely non-denominational. My main kosher beef with this early start on the holidays is I can't get the holiday music out of my head. I walk around singing "Deck the Halls" and "Do You Hear What I Hear" and the answer to that is, yes, I do hear what you hear, and could you please make it stop? I'm already walking around singing "Silent Night." It's too early for that. It's just wrong. It's against the SJG code of ethics. Not to mention which, I'll get kicked out of the All-Hanukkah Girl Choir of Sherman Oaks, if anyone hears me singing "O Holy Night," and we can't have that happen, can we?
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
|Soon I'll have legs like this|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:56 AM
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
|Eenie meenie chili beanie, the spirits are about to speak.|
Monday, November 14, 2011
Since the arrival of my smarty-pants phone, I've discovered a new way to communicate with my sons. Some days, we simply swap emoji-icons. The eldest downloaded this app for me, full of more than smiley faces. Much more. Flowers, hearts, coffee cups. High-heels, airplanes, hand gestures. It's the best cut-to-the-chase technique for a worrier like me. If I text the college boy, "How did the quiz go?" and get back a row of happy faces, I'm ecstatic. A row of sobbing faces means I better get on the next plane north. For an over-reactor like the SJG, emojis can be a little dangerous. Some times, I need hubby to talk some sense into me. "Honey, I just got a frantic emoji from Santa Cruz. I'm heading to the airport." At which point, he talks me off the ledge and I unpack. Some days, the working son sends me a random series of emojis that tell me his state of mind. A coffee cup means he's tired. A slice of cake means it's someone's birthday in the office. An airplane means he wants to move to New York, where he just spent a week, and found the female population far superior to the one in Los Angeles. I answer his airplane with the most unhappy face I can find, my way of saying, "Leave and I'm going with you." Come to think of it, the Japanese emojis are a bit limited, from my emotional standpoint. So I'm coming out with own app: Emoji-Oy-Cons, perfect for mothers everywhere. The faces show a broader range of hysteria, worry and fear. It'll be out in time for Hanukkah. Enjoy!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
|What fun is that?|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:39 AM
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:24 AM
Friday, November 11, 2011
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 7:58 AM
Thursday, November 10, 2011
|Elect me hostess and I will dress like this|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:03 AM
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 7:47 AM
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
|Saturday Night Fever: Kiki (purple dress) gets her groove on|
|I learned this from Kiki|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:04 AM
Monday, November 7, 2011
|Eric ponders the mysterious ways of the SJG|
|This is how I like to stroll|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 10:14 AM
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 7:56 AM
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
|"How may I help you?"|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:21 AM
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
|I give this marriage 72 days|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:27 AM