Thursday, January 21, 2016

SJG Sings Ethel!

Thousands have signed a new petition trying to prevent the SJG from recording a tribute album to Ethel Merman. "All day long, she sings like Ethel," said an unidentified family member. "You think that's bad? She makes up crazy lyrics. You want an example? 'There's no laundry like my laundry like no laundry I know.' 'Everything's coming up coffee.' 'You're the top. You're a dog named Dusty...' Someone has to stop her. I can't do it alone." The petition has currently received over 7,000 signatures, even though there has been no actual official confirmation from the SJG or anyone associated with the internationally-acclaimed blogger that she's making such an album. Until today, that is. "Listen, I don't know what all the fuss is about. I was just kidding around, threatening to make an entire album as Ethel to drown out the incessant sound of sporting events that play in every @#$%'n room of the house all weekend long. There's hockey, there's basketball, there's football, there's soccer. A person could lose her mind. But clearly, my public, not to mention unidentified members of my family, but I think I know who they are, has spoken. Quite frankly, I'm a little hurt. In time, I'll get over it. Maybe."

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