Thursday, February 25, 2016

Rent A Camel

Who, me?

Moshe was one of those men who had very few girlfriends. When, on rare occasions, he was invited to parties, not only did people forget his name but also they did not take what he said seriously. Even when he tried to be funny, nobody laughed at his jokes! So naturally he was very depressed. When his counsellor suggested he should do something positive to impress his friends and neighbors, Moshe decided to rent a camel.
He put on his khaki shorts and pith helmet and got on the camel. He then rode up and down Van Nuys  looking very proud. Everywhere he and the camel went, there was a buzz of surprise. Passers by stared, pointed, shouted and talked about him. Moshe repeated this activity every day for a week. But then someone stole his camel and Moshe had to go to the police to report the theft.
“I have come to report the theft of a camel,” said Moshe.
“A camel?” said the sergeant. “OK, let me have some details. How tall was it?”
“Maybe 6 or 7 feet tall,” replied Moshe.
“What color was it?”
“Light brown/grey.”
“Was it male or female?” asked the sergeant.
“Male,” replied Moshe.
“Are you sure?” asked the sergeant.
“Definitely,” replied Moshe, “every time I rode it, I could hear passers by yelling, ‘look at that shmuck on the camel.’ "

Hyman recently had a full medical check up. When he returned three weeks later after the exhaustive lab tests were complete, his doctor said he was doing "fairly well" for his age. Hyman was obviously a little concerned about that comment and so asked his doctor, "Do you think I'll live to be 80, doctor?"
The doctor said, "Well, do you smoke or drink beer?"
"Oh no," Hyman said, "I've never done either."
Then the doctor asked, "Do you eat grilled steaks or barbequed ribs?
Hyman said, "No, I've heard that red meat is very unhealthy."
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?" asked the doctor.
"No, I don't," Hyman said.
Then the doctor asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or mess with women?"
"No," said Hyman, "I've done none of those things."
The doctor looked at Hyman and said, "Then why do you want to live to be 80?"

Sadie sits down next to an attractive man on the train and says, "You look just like my fourth husband".
The man says, "Your fourth husband? So how many times have you been married, lady?"
"Three," Sadie says.

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