Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Yee-Haw!

Yee-haw! I'm goin' rogue!

(Sherman Oaks) The SJG, self-appointed domestic goddess of kvetching, has just announced ahead of schedule so she shouldn't forget, that she's officially going rogue and refusing to obey the Laws of Daylight Savings Time come Sunday. She explained her lack of logic while sitting on the porch of her Sprawling Southern California estate, sipping a mint julep at 7 a.m., which seems a little early for her to hit the booze, not that we're judging her. "So listen, my whole life, I've been dealing with this daylight savings hazarai. Fall back, spring forward. It's a lot of activity, not to mention, dangerous. In either direction, you could hurt yourself. Are you listening? You could break a bone. You could put out an eye as you tumble into the abyss. Even worse, you could bump your keppy on a rock and it's lights out, folks. Shalom and no more pleasant tomorrows. The rest of you, go ahead and risk bodily injury, exhaustion and clockwise confusion. Just don't stop me on the street and ask me what time it is. Why? I'll tell you why. Because I no longer give an eff. From now on, I'll be observing SJG time. You heard me. I'm calling the shots. I'm done pleasing the world. I'll either be early or late, depending on the season, so don't wait for me, don't try to reason with me, I've had it. I can't afford to lose an hour of sleep, capiche? I've been through too much sleep deprivation. I need all the sleep I can get. I'm tired of compromising, tired of taking orders, tired of keeping up with the times. So, go ahead, nice people. Spring forward all you want. But the SJG is staying put, behind the times, where I belong."

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