Monday, March 13, 2017

You Wanna Talk Disturbing?

The SJG has seen many disturbing sights during my humble time on Earth:
1. A runaway blue garbage receptacle making a break for it during a torrential rain.
2. An abandoned soccer ball squashed by a big rig on the 405 south. Or was it north?
3. A mean-spirited squirrel stealing a dog's favorite chew toy right out from under him and dragging it over the fence. Over. The. Fence.

Oh, the cruelty of it all.

But yesterday... dear God... yesterday, I witnessed something so alarming, so downright wrong on every level, that I couldn't wait to share it with you so that you could suffer along with me. I told you I'm a giver. So. What oy what did I witness? There's no nice way to put it, no formal name. I've coined a psychological term in hopes that others will come forward and share their similarly scarring experiences. In this way, we can bond, share a group hug and move on.

What I saw... and can't unsee... was...well, there's no way to sugarcoat it: Birthday Cake Interruptus. You heard me. Birthday. Cake. Interruptus.

I told you it was disturbing. I tried to warn you, didn't I? But then, weird things happen when you're sleep-deprived. Even... for a waiter. You see, this waiter, who'd already pretty much botched my salad order, was so fermisht, so spring forward exhausted, that when he brought out the sparkler-lit birthday cake and the two birthday gals were off waiting in a long ladies room line, he froze in terror. "Wait, stop, they're not here!" my friend and I commanded.  "Blow it out! "Blow it out! We have to wait for them!" He stood and stared, bit his lip and fought back tears. Finally, he put out the sparkler and set the plate down and went off to ponder his pipik in private. And then the birthday gals returned to the table. "We saw our birthday cake go by." "Yep, you did." We sang to them, anyway, but come on, without a lit candle or sparkler on a birthday cake, what do you have? You have Birthday Cake Interruptus, that's what.


  1. You have a North Korean rocket launch... A Hostess-less cupcake, a Susie Bake Oven celebratory sugar cookie with sugar granulated sugar instead of frosting and a cardboard candle in wonderful crayon technicolor taped onto it...