"Dr. Schlepstein, thanks for fitting me in."
"You're so welcome, my lil kugel maker."
"I've asked you not to call me that."
"Would you prefer Big Kugel Maker, on account of all the fressing you've been doing?"
"I prefer Rapidly Bitter Goddess."
"Okay, RBG, why so bitter?"
"I've come down with a bad case of envy."
"Envy? That's so unlike you. Usually you applaud everyone's success. You say, 'Good for you,' without a trace of sarcasm. But now, you're turning chartreuse, which isn't a good color for you, as I recall. So why, I ask you. Why?"
"Why? I'll tell you why, Dr. Schlepstein, if you promise not to charge me double."
"That was a billing boo-boo. How many times must we go over that?"
"A few more times, at least. Anyway, I'm a tad envious because some of my friends and relatives, no names mentioned, they know who they are, what with the Medicare card they keep flashing like a golden ticket, are getting the Vaccine, and I'm too young."
"Poor lil RBG, only 63. My heart breaks for you."
"Really?"
"No. You should be ashamed of yourself."
"My own therapist is shaming me? How is that helpful?"
"It's not, but under the circumstances, I'm making an exception."
"Dr. Schlepstein, I'm happy for them. I want everyone to be healthy and live a nice long life, free of tsuris. Still, I want the same for me."
"Listen, if I could give you a magic potion and make you 65, would that help?"
"I'd rather you give me a vaccine."
"Sorry, no can do. You'll just have to wait your turn like everybody else. Of course, patience has never been one of your strong suits."
"This is true. So, when did you get your shot?"
"I've been in line at Dodger Stadium since Tu Bishvat."
"Dr. Schlepstein, Tu Bishvat doesn't start till Wednesday."
"Fine. You caught me. Only since 5 a.m. today. My tush is numb. I need to pee. I'd kill for a bagel. I hate everyone in line ahead of me. Still envious?"
"No, actually. Thanks for your help."
"Anything for you, my sweet RBG."
"Bittersweet. That's me."
"Tell me something I don't know."
