Reincarnation Desk

Why all the talk about reincarnation?  There's a movie coming out called "Cloud Atlas," about souls returning and overlapping and whatnot.  And the stars of "Cloud Atlas" keep revealing in interviews what they want to come back as in the next life.  Tom Hanks wants to be...

... one of the Wright Brothers.

Halle Berry wants to be...

... a kitty cat.

Susan Sarandon wants to be...

... a great singer

The SJG doesn't really buy into the whole reincarnation thing, but if given the opportunity, I'd like to come back as...

... a long-legged gal

... with thick lustrous manageable hair

That's my reincarnation dream.  What's yours?

You Might Be The SJG If...

... You ever made the tragic mistake of getting a big 'ol '80s perm and thought it looked cool.

You might be the SJG if...

... You ever positioned a box of crackers on your head, so you could say you were, in fact, Puttin' On The Ritz.

Can I Get A Yum?

Shad roe, pineapple foam, cucumber sauce, 
coriander bubbles.  Can I get a yum?

Dear SJG,
Can we talk? What is up with foam that looks like saliva? Gourmet entrees that are priced at $103 for three bites of unrecognizable wild life, basking beautifully on a bed of pureed foam in many colors? I, as a deputy foodie, am offended. Two years ago, the concept of farm to table got me soo excited.  The visual of yuppies running from local farms with organic produce, meats and poultry was more than I ever imagined. I felt like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm eating the most gastronomically pleasing food combos at urban restaurants! Yuppie foodie farmers feeding yuppie foodie urbanites. A perfect partnership no? Well, how did foodie fabulous get to foodie foam in such a short time? Tell me. I must know!!!!
Anti-Foam,
Anne

Dear Anne,
Once again you've enlightened me with yet another trend I don't understand.  I'm devoid of an explanation, girlfriend, other than, people will eat the weirdest sh*t just cuz it's cool.  The only foam I want to know from is the kind that blankets my cappuccino, comme sa:

I'm not interested in strange soapy foam comme sa:

No thankie

Molecular whosie-whatsit be damned!  The SJG doesn't get it.  Don't froth on your beliefs, Anne.  Stay strong.  Refuse foodie foam on principle.  Start an Anti-Foam Movement.  Foam-wise, just say nyet.  I'm no foodie, like yourself.  I'm just a simple, kugel-cookin', blintz casserole-makin' kinda gal.  In my humble opinion, this current craze lacks substance.  It's a big dollop of bupkis. Resist it at all costs.  There's no there there.
You're welcome,
The SJG

Ring Ring

Ring ring!

The SJG was out to lunch the other day... no, I wasn't out of it, how dare you, I was actually out to lunch with friends, silly, and every two minutes, I heard my cell phone ringing.  At least, I thought it was my phone.  It wasn't my phone.  It wasn't my friend's phone.  It was the guy at another table's phone.  These days, everywhere I go, the market, the gym, even the non-profit charitable foundation I started in my own office -- "Yep!  I'm still working for free," the recurring theme -- there it is again, the same iPhone ring.  The old fashioned ring ring of my childhood and your childhood, the old fashioned ring ring we heard in the glory days, pre-answer machines, pre-call waiting.  Of course, there are many other rings on the menu, many other fun options on the iPhone,  crazy alerts and buzzes and beep beeps, sounds to drive you meschuga, not to mention downloadable music for the more advanced, but, no, we all want a few bars of nostalgia.  We want the old fashioned ring ring of our youth.  Sure, it may get confusing at times, annoying and unnerving, but I have no plans to change my ring ring, and clearly, neither do you.

The Infamous Schnoz Shot

Daddy-Daughter Infamous "Schnoz" Shot from my wedding

Happy 91st to my dad, my mentor, my advisor, my biggest fan, my... oh, you get the idea. Without him, where would I be? My whole life, he's made me laugh till my sides hurt, he's guided me, he's cheered me on. Today I'll bring him his favorite salad, the Santa Barbara cobb, I'll sing to him, I'll kvell over him yet again. Let's face it.  I'm one lucky SJG.

Part 2: Ben The Elder

Sing!  Sing!  Sing!

Look at you!  You came back for the rest of Ben Starr's tips on how to reach 91 and still be a mensch.  Why keep you in suspense?  Here they are:
5.  Sing, sing, sing.  I sing all the time even though I have a terrible voice.
6.  Strive to know what is going on in the world every minute you are awake.  Knowledge, even when misquoted, is better than being uniformed.
7.  Best way to get to 91 is to have great kids who love you and whom you love.
8.  Having a few bucks in the bank doesn't hurt. 
- Ben The Elder

Tips From Ben The Elder

This week, my dad, Mr. Ben Starr, turns 91.  How did he do it?  How?!  How?!  I called him up and demanded some answers.  "Tell me!  Give me a few hints!  I am your daughter!"  "Okay, okay, calm down," he said.  So here are a few of his tips.  The rest, you'll get tomorrow. You want to reach 91?  You have to be patient.
1.  Get to 90 first.
2.  Never go to a doctor.  That will mean you are sick.  Ergo, avoiding doctors keeps you well.
3.  Never mention Tip #2 in front of intelligent people.
4.  Laugh, laugh, laugh.
-- Ben The Elder