Concierge Grandma At Your Service

"Where's Grammala? Is that her pulling up in the driveway?" 

What exactly is a Concierge Grandma? I'm so glad you asked. A Concierge Grandma offers a high level of love and attention to her only grandchild, while occasionally skirting the strict napping rules set down by the new parents. Instead, a Concierge Grandma pretends to follow the whole "let her cry it out for 30 minutes before you get her from crib" thing, holding out as long as humanly possible, five minutes max, before grabbing baby girl from the crib and snuggling her in an effort to calm her down.

"Don't cry, Grammala is here."

This type of specialized spoiling goes by several names: Direct Grandmothering, Grandma-Based Care, Old-School Grandma, Grandma Knows Best, the afore-mentioned Concierge Grandma, and Grandma At Your Service. No matter what company you choose, know that grandmas are available 24-7, ready to hop in the car and be there within minutes, no matter the request. The Concierge Grandma will drop everything because a good grandma knows that when it comes to her grandbaby, any situation is an emergency.

What about Concierge Grandpa? Don't forget him. 

He's there too, sometimes. 

In regard to basic skills, not to worry, a Concierge Grandma, though rapidly aging as we speak, has retained a vast wealth of knowledge from her young mother stage, even if she can't remember what day it is. Some things, such as diapering, bottle feeding, lullabies, Mother Goose Rhymes, "Wheels on the Bus" and "Head & Shoulders, Knees & Toes" just never leave the keppy. 

"Where's the on/off button for this thing?" 

Other tasks may need a little patient instruction: "Turn the sound machine on by tapping it, gently on the side, Ma. Got it?" "Uh huh." Important reminder: remember to ask how to turn it off. You can only listen to ocean waves crashing on the shore for so long while baby cries before you lose your kaka. This is when Concierge Grandpa comes in handy. In such instances, all Concierge Grandma has to do is yell, "I can't turn this @#$%'n off!" and Concierge Grandpa comes running in to give the noise machine a good ol' smack and voila, the ocean uproar goes bye-bye. 

Of course, I'm saving the best part for last. Concierge Grandma charges bupkis. And it's worth every penny.