The Lightest Sleeper In The World

"Did you hear those people fighting last night?" 

"What people?"

"The people behind us."

"The a-holes who blast music?” 

"Yes. Them."

"What time were they fighting?"

"Three a.m."

"You checked the time?"

"I knew you'd want to know."

"Oh, honey, thank you."

"You're welcome."

"How did I not hear them?"

"You were sleeping."

"I can't believe they didn't wake me up. I'm the lightest sleeper in the world."

"Not last night. You slept through it."

"Who fights at three a.m.?"

"The a-holes behind us."

"What were they fighting about?"

"I couldn't hear them that well."

"Were they swearing at each other?"

"I heard swearing, I think. "

"You think? Could you at least make out any words?"

"Not really." 

"Honey! I need specifics!  'You sh*t head! You embarrassed me tonight!"  'I hate your eff'n friends!' Anything like that?"

"No." 

"Come on, man. Think! Three a.m.! Something big must've happened. Did someone yell, 'That's it, you bastard! I've had it with you! Take your hoot and your coot and get oot.' "

"No one would ever yell something that dumb during an argument."

"Dumber things have been yelled during arguments."

"Next time they have an argument at three a.m., I'll wake you up."

"Promise?" 

"I give you my word."