Lawdy! It's Elvis Night

True, there wasn't a whole lotta shakin' goin' on for Elvis night on "A.I.", but was that such a bad thing?  It was more Acoustic Elvis than Vegas Elvis, which was fine by me.  No unseemly bulges.  No greasy, fatty fried performances.  Yet there was grit and a little heat and much to enjoy:  The cast of "Glee" in the front row.  Nice product placement.  Adam Lambert, the only "Idol" grad to ever mentor.  Oh, didn't he do a stella, stella for star job sizing up the talent?  He thought they needed to wake up, have a little coffee, show some energy.  He was honest, constructive and concise. And then there was Ryan, hyper, overly animated, overly caffeinated Ry-Ry, blurting such oddities.  "My tongue isn't as talented as yours," Ryan told Adam, appropos of nothing.  That's just wrong on so many levels, the SJG will leave it at that. 



1.  Crystal, "Saved":  MamaSox went electric, at the urging of Adam.  Good call.  "Let the dreads down," he said.  And she did, giving us gritty, great gospel.  Randy called it "dope!"  Ellen "fantastic,"  Kara, "great, up tempo."  Simon loved that it wasn't obvious.  The judges kept their comments short, due to time shrinkage, and it was a blessing, people.  A blessing! 
2.  Andrew, "Hound Dog":  Adam cut to the chase in rehearsals.  "It's boring.  Change it up, make it yours."  Andrew tried and it wasn't bad, but it wasn't great.  He is swaggerless.  He channeled Elvis not at all.  He's one of two going home.  I'm calling it again, my friends.  Going.  Home.  With the exception of Ellen, who said, "You pulled it off," the other judges trashed Mr. Garcia yet again.  "Not good!" said Randy.  "You dragged the mic around like a crutch," said Kara, who appears nearly-naked in the current issue of Allure.  Paula would never do that.  Never!  "Lazy, not a star performance," said Simon.
3.  Tim, "I Can't Help Falling in Love With You":  Adam listened and told the Cuteness he was pretty.  No wait, he meant the song.  In a nice surprise, Tim gave his best perf to date, milking the vulnerable, gorgeous goyisha vibe.  Why not?  Wouldn't you?  And they all dug it.  Ellen did a strained tequila comparison to show her affection.  Kara called it authetic, real, well done.  Simon said, "You've gone from zero to hero in two weeks."  He's so used that line before, hasn't he?  Anyway Tim, this ref is calling you SAFE!
4.  Lee, "A Little Less Conversation":  Adam told Lee to smile and be playful.  Lee did smile, have his version of fun, and sound awesome up there.  But playful?  Give it up.  Not going to happen.  Bringing bagpipes on stage last week?  That was playful.  Lee is intense and tortured.  That's his ticket.  Simon summed it up, Britishly:  "On the money.  Full stop."
5.  Aaron, "Blue Suede Shoes":  Adam advised energy, commitment, expressiveness.  Aaron delivered it, more or less.  In my mind, it was pretty good, almost there, not quite.  Randy liked half of it.  Ellen gave him an A for effort.  Simon found it very high school concert, end of the night forgettable.  Kara liked it.  "You're out of your comfort zone."  Aaron, bottom two?  Uh-huh.  
6.  Siobhan, "Suspicious Minds":  The expected love fest between Adam and Siobhan played out, accordingly.  But of the nine, she needed his guidance the most and I don't think he knew how to guide her.  He told her to give it oomph and fire.  She hit her notes, she shut her eyes; one of her better selections.  Randy liked that she took risks -- but then, she always does -- and made the song Supreme-ish.  Ellen liked the second half.  Kara wasn't crazy about it.  Simon thought she'd gone through a terrible time warp, straight into Screechyville.  Cue Siobhan's latest in a weekly lecture series, her ode to a label-free world.  Stop defending yourself, girl.  It's going to back fire.  Maybe tonight?  Bottom three?
7.  Big Mike, "In the Ghetto":  Adam thought he should "bring the actor out," but Big Mike feared Big Simon's wrath.  He gave a beautiful, overly-earnest rendition that should keep him safe.  He worked hard at humble and it showed.  Randy found it sleepy but hot, vocally.  The rest of 'em praised him, too.  We.  Shall.  See.
8.  Katie, ""Baby What Do You Want Me to Do":  "Let it out," said Adam, referencing Katie's frustration at the judges.  "Get throaty, sell it."  She tried.  She went spunky.  She over-accessorized.  It was fun, but felt like she was playing at anger.  This is not an angry girl.  Running out of time, the judges paired down the commentary to the bare essence. "Gettin' sassy," said Randy.  "That was a horny song.  Full of  horns.  Great," said Ellen.  (Oh.  Ellen.)  Kara said, unconvincingly, "You showed us, girl."  Simon called it "loud and annoying." 
9.  Casey, "Lawdy Miss Clawdy":  Here was Casey at his bluesy best.  Adam made a reference to climaxing.  Okay.  Whateva.  It was sexy and great and my only advice to the Hotness is this:  Lose the ponytail.  Lose it.  Lose it now.  No.  More.  Ponytail.  Randy said it was in the zone; solid.  Ellen found it comfortable but not exciting.  Kara tweeted, "You have brilliance.  That fell short."  Simon said it was good vocally, but a wasted Elvis opp.  They were so wrong, I took it personally.  Back off the Hotness, judges.  You heard me.  Bottom Three Prediction:  Andrew, Aaron, Siobhan.  (Covering my butt:  Katie might sub for Siobhan.)  Going home:  Andrew and Aaron.