Rules To Live By

1.  Never take a first-row seat at a bris.
2.  If you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish.
3.  One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.

4.  No meal is complete without leftovers.
5.  If you don't eat it, it will kill me.

Jewish Olympics

http://www.hebrew4christians.com/Humor/Set1/set1.html