Get Your Facts First

... then you can distort them as you please.

Mark Twain

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Steve Martin

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

George Burns

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Oscar Levant

You're only as good as your last haircut.

Fran Lebowitz

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.

Jane Wagner