A Boy and His Beer

(Charleville-Mézières) A nice Jewish boychick who hails from an ancient village in America called Sherman Oaks certainly got his wish on Christmas Day, when his recently acquired French mishpocha generously delivered 29 Belgian brewskis into his waiting arms. When his sister-in-law Chloé's family asked, "What do we give the taller one with the glasses?" she mulled it over for precisely two seconds and said, Frenchly, "Il aime la bière." Translation: "He likes beer." Little did she know they'd go overboard with the vast assortment of sophisticated suds. The happy recipient expressed his gratitude, repeatedly, with the one French word he'd mastered during his 10-day visit to France: "Merci... merci... merci... merci... " However, the matter of what to do with this bounty of beer, impossible to procure at his local BevMo, remained a mystery. The choices were limited. One idea, suggested by his older brother: a public gathering in the town square to watch the rapper known as Scott D guzzle each and every bottle till he dropped. "Are you out of your @#$%'n mind?" asked a short Jewish blogger who asked to remain anonymous. For a brief moment, a soft red suitcase stored in the attic became the carrier of the precious cargo, yet given the likelihood that ever single bottle would break en route, despite reams of bubblewrap, the ill-equipped luggage later wound up abandoned in a hotel.

The replacement: this new Delsey Valise Rigide, purchased on sale in Reims. The American father lovingly wrapped each and every bottle, in hopes that his son's beer would arrive safely at LAX. It wasn't until the designated Delsey toppled off the baggage carousel and began leaking Belgium bière on the airport linoleum that the father feared the mission had failed, and the son reacted accordingly:

Upon closer inspection, however, only two beers had smashed to smithereens. The rest remained in tact. Now if that's not a post-Christmas miracle, what is?