Snubbed By Oscar

(Sherman Oaks) For months, it's been reported by the SJG, often seen in front of Academy headquarters in Beverly Hills, bribing board members with hot slices of kugel, that she would indeed be nominated for an Oscar in the Audience Category for Best Kvetcher. "Whether I'm at home in front of the flatscreen, or trying to get comfy at the overpriced cineplex, trust me, there's always something major to complain about. Ask longtime hubby. Ask anyone unfortunate enough to have to sit in my general vicinity. It's either sound-related (too loud, too muffled), accent-related (is RBG from Brooklyn or Great Britain?), or plot-related (that would never happen, what just happened, I dozed off). Sadly, the SJG's confidence plummeted early this morning, when the nominations were announced, and she learned that not only wasn't she up for an award, but the category she lobbied for doesn't even exist. "I thought for sure I was a shoo-in," she said, mourning what she called "this epic eff'n shanda."

She went on to say this about that. "I already bought my dress and had it altered, so it shouldn't drag on the floor and make me trip on the stairs as I went up to claim my award. But listen, I'll survive. As Grandma Shorty of Kiev used to say, Dos gantseh leben iz a milchomeh. Translation: All of life is a struggle. Have truer words ever been spoken? More to the point, am I bitter about losing out on another much-deserved award? A little. A lot. I won't lie. I may picket. I haven't decided yet. You can be sure of one thing. On Sunday February 24, I'll be watching the Oscars with my trusted mishpocha, and I'll be kvetching the whole time."