Now & Then

Now: A snapshot of Sunday's anniversary soirée, courtesy of Billy and Scotty, our menschy sons, our daughter-in-law Chloé and Scotty's girlfriend Meg. In honor of our 40th, they spoiled us on so many levels I may never recover. First came the surprise video featuring family and friends wishing us mazel tov. Did your SJG alternately sob and scream with such intense delight that I quite possibly scared the baby and damaged her tender eardrums? A strong possibility. Along with the magnifico video I can't believe they pulled off in record time, and the fact that our family and friends came through like Academy Award-winning pros (only slight exaggeration), there was plenty champagne, delicious food and of course, the pièce de résistance, carrot cake reminiscent of our wedding cake. Carrot cake? Yes. You got a problem with that? It was 1980. Cream cheese frosting? A fabulous choice. Shockingly, not everyone gathered yesterday appreciated the bold selection. Chloé took a bite and used her French heritage as an excuse not to eat another morsel. "We don't have carrot cake in France," she said, more than once. Meg also had issues with the overall carrotness, not-so-subtly transferring her slice to Scotty's plate. To each her own, am I right? 

Then: The young SJG and hubby, excited to embark on whatever awaits us. 

Spear Me The Details

Exciting news. After some budgetary setbacks, the SJG's Outdoor Dance School is finally up and running. Every week, we'll delve into a different theme on the front lawn of my palatial estate. For the first assignment, I schlepped out a basket of random props and asked my dancers to explore their inner warriors. Hence, the Interpretative Spear Dance featured above. All I said was, "Girls, careful not to take out an eye, I don't need any lawsuits." A few spritzes of insect repellent later, their Isadora Duncans emerged like you wouldn't believe. I just can't wait to see what they dream up for Rodeo Week. Which reminds me to send a note home: "Horses Optional."

Yee-haw. See you at the recital. 

Nightmare Now In Session

It's a recurring nightmare. 

Just the thought of it makes me scream.

I'm still not sure how I got my sons through homework.

What if I'd had to homeschool them? Oy to the vey. 

That wouldn't have ended well.

So hat's off to all the brave moms and dads homeschooling their kids yet again, protecting them because, quite honestly, what choice do they have? I can't think of anything harder or more noble. The SJG is marveling, kvelling and doing a lively hora on your behalf. 

Well done, you!

Kwik Kleen Keppy Kar Wash

Mindy Kaling Inspo!

(Sherman Oaks) The SJG believes she's solved the whole hair salon shutdown situation, merging the traditional hair salon concept with the local Auto Scrub, to form Kwik Kleen Keppy Kar Wash. As she explained over a Zoom session, "I figure, some salons are getting approved to cut hair in the parking lot. Sounds okay, but what about the heavenly hair wash that comes before the cut? Sure, they can spritz your hair with a water bottle, but what fun is that? Why not line up some hunky guys...

"Polishing the hood costs extra."

"like this firefighter... to wash your hair and car at the same time? It's messy, but if they towel you and the car off at the same time, it's win-win. If this isn't genius, I don't what is." When a testy mainstream reporter on Zoom compared her idea to a sad, ill-conceived low-budget porn movie in terrible taste, her screen froze and she never returned.

That Time My Brother Won The Dating Game

"This is about as straight as I get," says my brother John Starr, regarding his 1979 appearance on "The Dating Game." You'll notice that the other two loser contestants have magically disappeared, because who even cares about them? Not us. So sit back and enjoy 4.5 minutes of vintage hilarity from a simpler time when life was 100 percent perfect in every way. Or not. Either way, watch this.