Filter Yourself

Ever wonder why your coworkers walk away while you're talking, refuse to sit with you in the lunch room, act like you have a contagious disease and/or spontaneously combust in your presence? Chances are it's time to change that iffy internal filter. But how? Are we talking surgery? Partial lobotomy? Personality transplant? Don't be silly. The nice people at SJG Enterprises have come up with Sheket Bevakashah!, a user-friendly device that's strictly ornamental, not to mention, electrically-charged to zap some sense into you. So, how does it work? Well, if you'd kindly sheket bevakashah long enough for me to get a word in, I'll tell you. Just slip on Sheket Bevakashah!, which comes in every color except puce, and each time you open your mouth, you'll get a harmless, low-voltage zetz that reminds you to filter your comments and shut up, please before you say another stupid, hurtful thing you'll regret. Comes in three sizes and frequencies: Occasional Tongue Slipper (one mild zetz'll do ya), Daily Offender (two medium zetzes) and Off-The-Chart Oversharer (three jolting zetzes) Retails for only $899.99. Hurry. These won't last forever. But your ability to alienate others will last a lifetime.

Such a lovely accessory. Fits most wrists.
Perfect for all occasions that involve talking.