Coming This Fall: The Designated Kvetcher

As a lower-level presidential appointee, Tom Schmirkovitz never imagined something intestinal would happen that would catapult him to higher office. When a devastating attack of flatulence takes down the president and most of the Cabinet, Schmirkotvitz, the only one not invited to the Oval Office Chili Cook-Off, finds himself promoted to Designated Kvetcher of the free world. Suddenly tasked with sorting through all the stomach complaints issued by Americans in the past 18 years, Schmirkovitz struggles to keep the USA from tooting itself out of existence. A new, critically-panned disappointment premiering tonight on SJG-TV. Sponsored by Gas-X. Check local listings. Scheduling is iffy.