"Whoever invented Cling Wrap was a little bit sadistic."
"This Rosh Hashanah brisket-a-tisket better not be a misket like that tough-as-leather Passover brisket."
"I'm deeply in love with my giant measuring cup."
"Hello, Kvetch-1-1? I have an emergency over here in Sherman Oaks. The raisins are stuck in the whisk!"
"The Four Questions of Rosh Hashanah: 1. Will this brisket be tender? 2. Will this brisket humiliate me? 3. Why is this brisket different than all other briskets? 4. Will anyone notice that I don't even eat brisket?"
"You can never go wrong with Lipton's Onion Soup."
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