Take One Salad And Call Me In The Morning

Chloé eats "THE" Famous Caioti Salad (copyrighted!) 

On Mother's Day, the family decided to help induce labor. What else have we've got to do during a pandemic lockdown? What's that? Do we have that kind of power? Or more specifically, can salad induce labor? Hmm. Let me think about that. Why the @#$% not? 

Ready for its closeup

The idea's my fault, of course. I brought it up, as Chloé floated around the pool in misery. From a safe social distance, I said, "Honey, maybe it's time for the salad." "I hate salad." A minor hurdle. "Get over it, sweetie. The salad I'm talking about is legendary. It's been working for 30 years." "Are you cocoa?" (Translation: cuckoo.) "That goes without saying." Shortly after I explained the Miracle of Caioti Balsamic Dressing, a copyrighted potion full of top secret ingredients, served over mixed greens, watercress, walnuts and gorgonzola, an unprompted text from her close friend and mother of two arrived. "Make sure you eat that famous salad from Caioti. I went into labor right after eating it." Well, duh, that sealed it.  

Your Salad Baby Name Goes Here  

Off Billy and I went to Caioti in Studio City. He wore a mask. I wore a mask. Here a mask, there a mask, everywhere a mask-mask. I sat in the back seat so I shouldn't contaminate my first born. Given the lack of traffic, we got there in under two minutes. The young masked man behind the counter handed Billy "THE" salad, plus two containers of dressing, as though doling out medicine. "It takes 24 hours, sometimes less." With that, he pointed to the Salad Baby Board. "Don't forget to call us if the salad works so we can put the name on the board." "Kina hora," I said. He looked at me funny. We went home and made Chlo eat as much of the time-release inducement as she could tolerate. Then we all sat there, anticipating the miracle and staring at her, which didn't go over well. For the next 24 hours, I waited for the big call, certain "THE" salad would do the trick. By Monday night, I couldn't stand the suspense. "Well?" I texted Billy. "Any action?" "I finished the salad." "And?" "It was delicious."