Growth Potential

I'm evolving. Just like these gals. 

I don't know about you, because we've been socially distanced since high school, but I'm finding this whole "stay at home for as long as you can stand it" thing filled with exciting growth potential. Today I'd like to share two examples of personal growth. Let's begin with my eyebrows. They just keep growing. But I figure, hey, what's the point of plucking? I can't see what's happening with my eyebrows or yours. I assume it's the same for you. Why bother? Not that I don't inspect this free-range disaster on occasion. A quick peek in the mega magnifying mirror, a loud cathartic scream, followed by a moment of course-correction, and I'm good to go nowhere. I raise my tweezers to the Goddess of Self-Maintenance watching over me, and with gratitude, I emote, "Thank you for these crazy-ass eyebrows. Thank you. Thank you." In this way, I'm constantly evolving.

Me in a few months

Next comes my hair. Oy vey, the growth of my hair. It's the longest it's been since the '80s, a very bad time for me, hair-wise, what with the perms and the spray and the shocking bigness. Just this week, or maybe last week, why are you asking me for details, my beloved Salon Gorgeous reopened. I should be dancing in the streets, doing a nice hora down Ventura Blvd. Instead, I'm waiting for my attorney Sosumi Schwartz to read over the fine print and get back to me. You see, Salon Gorgeous has a few stipulations before they'll let me in the super-sanitized beautification shrine. After taking my temperature and staring into my soul, they want I should sign a liability waiver and swear on a stack of Old Testaments that I won't blame them if God forbid I come down with something deadly on their premises. As if that's not enough, they also want me to sign a DNR order (Do Not Return) if I keep kvetching about all the hair inundating my mask during the snipping procedure. My response: No merci. So, until Sosumi Schwartz negotiates a more welcoming re-entry, I'll just let my hair grow. And grow. And grow. Once it reaches my tush, I may reconsider.