Do You Love Me?

"It doesn't change a thing, but even so, after 25 years... it's nice to know."  After 31 years, it's nice to know, too.  Happy Valentine's Day.  Here, have some "Fiddler." Then, eat some chocolate.

Rolling In The Grammys

Adele, Adele, Adele.  Bruce.  Bruce. Bruuuuuce.  To cheer myself up from all the Whitney gloom, I watched the Grammys with the college son.  We had a three-hour text-a-thon, sending hearts and smiles, random frogs and puppies, the occasional chicken, and multiple exclamation points, back and forth to punctuate our instant reactions.  After Adele sang her heart out:  "What a performance!!! Adele looks gorgeous!" (Santa Cruz) "Great stuff, angel!" (Sherman Oaks).  "I'd say the doctors did their job!!  Great performance."  (S.C.)  "I love love love her!" (S.O.)  When Bonnie Raitt hit the stage with Alicia Keys:  "There's your gal!" (S.C.) "Woo-hoo!"  (S.O.) During the Beach Boys tribute:  "Fantastic Foster (the People) and Maroon (Five) were on point." (S.C.) "They sounded amazing!" (S.O.)  When Jennifer Hudson brought the house down in tribute to Whitney H, we kept it simple: "Flawless."  (S.C.)  "Wow." (S.O.) And, predictably:  "I will always looooove you!" (S.O.)  "Heart heart heart." (S.C.)

Casa Nada

Would you like a table near the gas leak?

Last night, we went out to our favorite Mexican restaurant to celebrate hubby's birthday.  All day, we were dreaming of margaritas and crab enchiladas.  Our reservation was for 6:30.  We left our car with the valet and went inside.  Our conversation with the spacey gal in charge went something like this:  "Hi, we have a reservation.  "Uh-huh."  "We'd like a booth."  "Oh, okay."  "So... can we be seated?" "Ummmm."  At this point, she walked away.  Hubby and I exchanged our classic "what the eff is wrong with that chick?" look.  There was a weird vibe in the casa. And a lot of empty tables. A minute later, she returned. "Yeah, so, we have no gas." "You're kidding."  "We have a gas leak or something."  "No way." "Yeah, so, we can't cook any food." "Wonderful.""But you're welcome to have drinks, salad and dessert." "What's in the salad?" "Lettuce.""But it's my husband' s birthday." "Aw." "We didn't come here for a plate of lettuce." "Uh-huh." "So, adios." By 6:35, we were back in our car.  By 7:00, we were home, eating delicious Mexican take-out and drinking hubby's kick-ass margaritas.  By 7:30, I was good and schnockered. Sometimes, it's just better to improvise.

Nyuk, Nyuk

Relax, hubby, it's only another birthday

"Happy birthday, honey."  "I'm how old?"  "You're 55."  "Damn, how'd that happen?" "Well, one day your parents decided to throw caution to the wind and have a very willful, yet adorable, yet opinionated, yet wonderful, boychick." "Rumor has it I was conceived after a Sugar Ray Robinson championship fight." "Aha! No wonder you're so full of hell." "Anybody who knows me would say I'm not shy about butting heads." "Which explains your love of the Three Stooges."  "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk." "So, what are you going to do today to celebrate?""UCLA basketball. They'll probably lose in the last five minutes.  Then tequila with guacamole and chips." "Aren't you going to fix anything?" "I might take on the burnt-out pump in the fountain." "You really know how to party." "Just trying to save the few brain cells I have left."

When Pom Poms Were Lethal

The only surviving copy on DVD!

Shanna, whose mom went meshuggah

Step into the SJG time machine, and travel back to the early 90s.  Everybody seated?  Good. Refreshments will be served before the TV movie begins.  Keep your crunching and slurping to a minimum, please,or you'll be ejected, spit into space and never heard from again.  Harsh?  Maybe.  But time travel's a bitch.  Now then.  The movie we're about to see is called "Willing To Kill: The Texas Cheerleader Story."  What's that?  Did someone in my time machine just say, "Who cares?" How dare you.  You should care, and I'm about to tell you why.  I associate produced this movie!  I'm in it, too. I play a reporter in a mob trying to get the attention of Wanda Holloway (Leslie Ann Warren).  Wanda Who?  What's wrong with you people?  Don't you read People?  Wanda Holloway was arrested in 1991, put on trial, convicted and served time in jail for hiring a hitman to kill Verna Heath, a former neighbor whose daughter, Amber, competed with Wanda's daughter Shanna in junior high for spots on the cheerleading squads. (First hint that Wanda wasn't Jewish.)  The wacky crime inspired two TV movies, the one I worked on for ABC, and the Holly Hunter one on HBO.  I got to hang out with the young co-stars and the cheerleaders pretending to be Texas cheerleaders.  I got to schlep to San Pedro, which doubled as small town Texas.  I got to watch fights break out between competing camera crews. (HBO was filming their movie at the same time.)  I got to watch fights break out between executive producers.  I got to work on the script.   I got to watch the first A.D. walk into a screen door and be rushed to the hospital.  Who said TV wasn't glamorous?

What prompted me to drag you back in time with me?  It's a fair question. Shanna, then 14, now 34, a grown up mother of two, is finally talking about that sad phase when her mother went completely meshuggah.  She's telling People (exclusively!), "I kept thinking, 'Why are you doing this to us? 'I hate you!' I felt like I had a flashing neon sign on my forehead that said, 'Pom-Pom Mom's Daughter.' I felt very alone." Well, looks like she survived the ordeal, which makes me happy.  Doesn't sound like "Willing To Kill" scarred her for life, and for that, I take complete credit.  Everybody out of the time machine.  Thanks for clapping when my name hit the screen.  Make sure you throw your trash in the recyling bin.  And thanks for flying SJG Air. 

Shanna of "Pom Pom" fame

How To Be A Jewish Son

In time for Valentine's Day, a new DVD of an old talk show hosted by David Susskind.  "How To Be A Jewish Son," the most popular episode of the series, features George Segal, Mel Brooks and David Steinberg, circa 1970.  NPR did a wonderful story yesterday about the release of "How To Be A Jewish Son," and another DVD that captures the 1996 reunion of Sid Caesar and many of his writers from "Your Shows of Show."

Famous Funny Writers

Shout out to Mick, my friend the doctor and fellow blogger, for sending me this story.

Ninja Worrier

SJG:  "I'm worried about you."
Object of Worry:  "But I don't want you to worry about me."
SJG:  "Why not?"
Object of Worry: "Because then I'll worry about you worrying about me."