Tuesday, December 3, 2013
2. If you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish.
3. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
5. If you don't eat it, it will kill me.
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:01 AM
Monday, December 2, 2013
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 7:43 AM
Sunday, December 1, 2013
|Matthew Bourne's "Sleeping Beauty"|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:22 AM
Saturday, November 30, 2013
"A doctor is coming over soon."
"A real doctor?"
"Daddy, guess what his name is?"
"You won't believe it."
"His name is Dr. Goy."
"Dr. Goy is coming to the house?"
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:11 AM
Friday, November 29, 2013
Speaking off dreidels, I didn't see any at Andy and Allison's house. What's wrong with them? Frankly, I'm a little bereft. But they did light a nice menorah, which triggered my first brief public shaming. On the phone with Andy Wednesday, he told me he was going to a First Night of Hanukkah party. I actually questioned the logic of that. "Why? The first night isn't till Thursday." A heated argument between cousins followed, filled with ridicule and the lightening-fast arrival of fancy Internet links to prove the SJG was wrong and helpful suggestions to go back to schul for a refresher course. "You can't make me," I said, and hung up, only to be shamed about my lack of Hanukkah chronology during the Second Night lighting ceremony.
My next public shaming, a lengthier one, I might add, came later, when a critical topic arose and the SJG was once again out of the loop. "Hey gang, let's watch 'Glee,'" someone else I'm related to said. "'Glee' is on?! Oh eff, I didn't record it." Cue a spirited lecture, delivered simultaneously by Andy and Allison and their adorable, recently Bar Mitzvahed son Levi, about Season Passes and Apps and Hulu and iTunes and Apple TV and God only knows what else, I stopped listening. The essence of this group rant was that clearly, from a global media standpoint, I deserved a friendly flogging. "Just... leave me alone!" I said, in self-defense, shoving more pie in my face to fill up the emptiness inside. A few hours after I waddled out the door, Andy tried to undue the shaming via text. "'Glee' sucked." Nice try, Cuzzie. Nice try.
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:39 AM
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Perfect for a bar room fight in an old western,
Not good in the hallway of his condo.
Even at 5 a.m., with the ER doctors and the orderlies
And the beeping of machines.
Even when he's in and out of it
And not sure what's what...
Even as the cute blonde nurse calls him pet names,
Like pumpkin and peach and sweetie pie.
Even when this latest turn of events
Lacks a punchline.
Even then, my 92-year-old dad is still funny.
"Are you comfortable?" the nurse asks,
Propping him up with a nice pillow.
"I make a living," he says.
Even then, he makes me laugh.
For that, and so much more, I'm grateful.
Exhausted, worried, angst-ridden,
And yet, still grateful.
It's one of those Thanksgivings.
We've had a few of them before.
A serving of bad news
Between dinner and dessert.
Even on days like this one,
Thanksgiving means Thanks Living.
So, what else can I say, but...
And Happy Hanukkah,
To you and yours.
Eat a latke.
Light a menorah,
And a turkey-shaped candle.
Save me a wishbone.
I'm looking for a miracle.
Praying my favorite altacocker
Lasts a lot longer
Than eight days.
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 7:48 AM