Tuesday, November 24, 2020

I'll Take Potpourri For $100

"I'll take Potpourri for $100, Alex." "This eight-word sentence sums up the on-going psychological fall-out from COVID-19."  "What is, 'The pandemic has induced an epidemic of anxiety.' " "You are correct, SJG. Mazel tov from the Great Beyond. Go again." "I'll take Potpourri for $200, Alex. And please, say hi to my folks if you bump into them." "I'll think about it. This seven-word sentence is exactly what your mother once said to me when she saw me in a restaurant." "What is, 'I didn't realize you were so short.' "You are correct, SJG. It hurt my feelings, but I got over it, quickly. Go again." 

"I apologize on her behalf. What can I say? Bluntness runs in the family. I'll take Potpourri for $300, Alex." "A mixture of dried, fragrant materials that provide a gentle scent, commonly in residential settings." 


"What is, 'Potpourri.' " "You are correct." "Or, as I like to think of it, Alex, the same fragrant materials that have been marking time in the same Italian glass bowl for at least 18 years. The other day, I found a clump of yellow dog hair, property of Dusty, our late yellow Lab, stuck between a dehydrated leaf and a withered rose petal, and oh my God, it made me so sad, I started to weep. But just like you, when my mom called you short, I got over the dog hair thing, quickly. By the way, I've been called short my whole life, and it hasn't stopped me from reaching great heights, or has it? Of course, it has. You should see what happens when I go to Gelson's and can't reach the top shelf and start jumping up and down and then my mask slips off and it's an epic shanda." "You've strayed way off topic. Go again, already, before we cut to commercial." "Okay, okay, let me say one last thing about the category." "Is it really necessary?" "Yes, very. Potpourri, in general, sums up the past eight months -- a mixture of tears and fears and feeling proud, to say I love you, right out loud, to all the nice people, the wonderful friends and family who've kept me going through this hodge-podge, cockamamie time." "That is correct. Go again." "No, that's okay, let someone else take a turn. I need to check on the cranberry sauce."