Cheap Shot

This morning, as the recently-employed son prepared to leave for a long day of staring at a computer screen, he caught the last few seconds of a "Today Show" Halloween segment.  The premise: Why spend a lot of money on costumes when you can do it yourself for bupkis?  The topic resonated with the eldest.  Only last night, he'd stopped by Goodwill to amass various items for his own cheapo costume.  He plans to go to work tomorrow as a Dead Golfer with a bloody tee sticking out of his cheek.  And he came up with that on his own.  Watching the Cheapest Family in America decked out in their hellacious cheapery, he no doubt recalled the time back in elementary school, when he got corralled into appearing on a similar, do-it-yourself Halloween segment on a local show.  He was covered from head to toe in balloons.  Yes, he was the original Balloon Boy, waddling out on stage, so traumatized that he gave up any theatrical aspirations right then and there.

Raised to find the best in people, he keyed on Joe Economides, dressed as a spy in a trench coat, with dark glasses and a briefcase he found for eight bucks.  Chick magnet didn't come to mind.  I thought the recently-employed might offer a few empathic words, like "I feel for ya, brutha."  After all, Joe's dad was on national TV, dressed like a freakin' scarecrow, and there was his mother, squeezed into a homemade pirate getup, wearing the worst styrofoam eye patch ever.  Joe just sat there on the end, looking dumb, wishing he could disappear.  Poor schlub!

The eldest dug deep into his soul, and came up with the following heartfelt sentiment: "Talk about nationwide bullying.  This guy is going to get his ass kicked.  Hey Joe, you cheap son of a bitch.  I saw you on TV with those stupid glasses.  Your family are the cheapest mother eff'ers in America.  No one is ever going to date you."