All's Wall

... That Ends Wall

Isn't it lovely when things work out? All it takes is a bucket of money. And a silly pun. I guess I should apologize to Willy the Shake for ripping off one of his beloved titles, but then, I'd have to apologize to Somerset Maugham, as wall, er, well, and there's only so much forgiveness I'm willing to beg for in one lifetime. I feel that a silly pun is a minor infraction, compared to the more offensive puns I've inflicted on certain academic types. Allow me to explain, won't you? Back at UCLA, when my friend Marc talked me into taking "Medieval English History," and then hardly ever showed up, an act of betrayal for which I have yet to pardon him, I had to write a paper on fealty. Fealty, as I'm sure you already know, is what I demand from my children every time they have the honor of my presence: "Bow down to me, mine kinder, and show some freakin' fealty." Had I not taken "Medieval English History," I might never have expected such well-deserved allegiance from those two bouncing bundles of testosterone. On an ill-inspired whim, I titled my dumb-ass paper, "Of Human Homage." Homage is just a fancier way of saying fealty, and I thought my clever take-off on "Of Human Bondage" was hilarious. I was mistaken. My carefully-selected pun didn't go over too well with Professor Stick Up His Tuchus and the grade reflected his displeasure. Me being me, as opposed to you, I took his rejection badly.  I'm not proud to tell you that ever since that horrifying moment in "Medieval English History," for which I naturally blame Marc, I sometimes pepper my important scholarly work with the lamest and most wretched of puns, just to piss off someone I haven't encountered in, oh, 37 years.  You could say it takes me a while to get over things.