I Blame My Sons

Oops.

It's official.  I can no longer spell.  I used to be able to spell.  I was a good speller.  One of the best.  When it came to spelling, I had it going on.  What's happened to me?  I blame my sons.  I haven't quizzed them for a spelling test in over a decade.  Quizzing them for spelling tests kept my brain more or less operational.  So yes,  it's their fault.  On second thought, my sons are only partially to blame.


The main culprit is the ever-present Spell Check.  It makes me a lazy spelling bitch.  So what if I can't spell excurciating?  Who cares?  Spell check will underline it with a teacher-like red line, and quickly give me the correct spelling.  Excruciating.  Where I was once an accomplished speller, I am now a complete slacker.  Maybe there needs to be another spell check just for the middle aged, the lapsed spellers who used to be good spellers in school, or they got nothing but sh*t from Miss Wilson or Mr. Buttwinick. And what kind of good boy or girl wanted that kind of abuse?

Pre-spell check, you'd get publicly flogged for misspelled words.  But today, spell check has made that sort of justifiable punishment obsolete.  To help us reclaim our status as good spellers, what we need now is a combo Guilter/Spell Checker.  For lack of a better name, GSC would guilt you, mercilessly, until you got the word right, with nasty, mean-spirited prompts:

"Seriously?  What's wrong with you?  You used to have a few brain cells.  You used to know how to spell this word.  Think, bubbeleh, think.  Why must you give up so easily?  Don't you see a lifelong pattern of surrender here?  Try it again.  You've got two more chances to get this word right, and then, GSC will automatically post your sad failings for the world to see.  That's right, slacker.  It'll hit Facebook and Google Plus, Twitter and TMZ:  "Guess who spelled 'traveled' with two L's?  The SJG of Sherman Oaks.  LOL.  Her brain is fried.  Ha ha. Loser!  Please 'like' this moment of ridicule, brought to you by Guilter/Spell Checker." (6-2-12)