The Short Jewish Gal, the last one on the block to see the sun go down every day, has decided to change her personal dateline and will now be the first to see the sun rise, on account of her highly competitive nature. The SJG is getting ready to skip a day and shift her internal time zone forward by 24 hours for completely selfish reasons. "I never know what day it is, anyway, so this made perfect sense to me," she said in an exclusive interview. The SJG dateline, which runs through the middle of her backyard, and currently passes to the west of the nice granite island in her kitchen, means that the SJG is 11 hours behind everyone else's Mean Time. "I'm tired of being so nice. It's time to get mean and stay mean. Where has nice ever gotten me?" As the clock strikes midnight on Thursday, the SJG goes straight into Saturday. "Getting rid of Friday means one less day of people annoying me, cutting me off in traffic, and worrying me sick by coming home late. Losing a day is good for my mental health." After the change, the SJG will be one hour ahead of her immediate family, and three hours ahead of her casual acquaintances. "I'm feeling very proactive. I'm taking charge in ways I never thought possible. I've also decided to switch driving on the right side of the road to the left side, so I can feel more British." (12-29-11)
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