A merchant bought a sack of dried apricots from a distributor, only to discover upon opening the bag that they had begun to spoil. He marched into the distributor's office and demanded his money back, but the man refused, claiming the apricots were fresh when he sold them. The dispute escalated until finally, they called in the Rabbi to settle things once and for all. The Rabbi pours out the sack of dried fruit on the desk and carefully examines the contents. He picks up an apricot and pops it into his mouth, taking his time chewing. He nods. Then he eats another and shakes his head. And another and another, sometimes shaking his head, sometimes nodding, until the entire sack is almost empty.
"So, rabbi," asks the merchant. "What do you think?" Placing the last apricot into his mouth, he looks at both men and shrugs his shoulders. "How should I know? I'm a rabbi, not an apricot expert."
KGB:
The phone rings at KGB headquarters, sometime in the 1960's.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this KGB?"
"Da."
"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Hershel Yankovitz is an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his firewood."
"This will be noted."
The next day, the KGB sends their hoodlums to Hershel's tiny house. Out back, in the shed, they violently break every piece of firewood in their search for contraband. They find nothing. Angry and cursing, they leave.
Ten minutes later, the phone rings at Herchel's house.
"Hello, Hersh, did the KGB show up?"
"They just left."
"Did they chop up your firewood?"
"They certainly did."
"Good. Now it's your turn to call. My vegetable patch needs plowing."
The Second Flood:
A volcano erupts with a colossal explosion. Scientists predict that within three days, the ensuing giant tsunamis will flood the entire earth, and put all land under water.
The Pope appears on television and encourages everyone to accept Jesus Christ so at least their immortal souls will be saved.
The head Muslim also goes on TV to recommend that everybody immediately convert to Islam, so they may spend eternity with Allah.
The Dali Lama appears on TV and urges everyone to become Buddhist, so they may reach Nirvana.
The Chief Rabbi of Israel goes on national TV and says, "We have three days to learn how to live under water."
God I love these-- and the best for last! Thank you.
ReplyDeleteMine pleasure!
ReplyDelete