It's Not A Hat...

A conversation with the dermatologist:
"Are you wearing a hat outside?"
"I'm not wearing one inside."
"So you're wearing a hat outside?"
"No."
"You need to wear one."
"Why?"
"Hats prevent additional sun damage."

"Additional. I see what you did there."
"So, you'll wear a hat?"
"What kind of hat did you have in mind?"
"Any kind of big hat."
"How big?"
"A sombrero."
"You want me to wear a big sombrero?"
"The bigger, the better."

"It's a pink selfie-taking sombrero."

"You want me to walk my dog in a very large sombrero?"

"Your dog doesn't need to wear one, you do." 

"Aw. So my dog gets to look normal, while I subject myself to gossip and ridicule." 

"I wear a sombrero, and no one ever makes fun of me."
"Not to your face."
"Then don't wear a sombrero."
"I won't."
"Wear some kind of wide-brimmed hat."
"I think I can live with that."

"It's a selfie-taking, hat-wearing SJG and Sir Blakey."