Smile Like You Mean It

Do you go around scowling, smirking and frowning? Do little children run away from you in tears when you enter a room? Do you scare people at work? In elevators? Bank lines? Airplanes? Do old ladies smack you upside the head with their handbags at crosswalks? Here at the SJG Smile Institute, we'll teach you how to hide your gloominess, smile through your pain and stop striking fear in everyone you encounter. Over the course of 10 weeks, our highly-trained mouthmaticians will demonstrate how to mask any and all problems. With enough expert guidance and intensive daily mirror practice, you'll miraculously advance from a half-hearted grin to full-on beaming. Who cares if there's nothing to back up that forced frivolity! You'll achieve the ultimate inauthentic smile. Before you know it, people will tolerate you again. Doesn't that sound nice?

A comprehensive smile program will be designed just for you. Each smile session will be videotaped so you can view it at home and perfect the look of external happiness, which is really all that matters these days. By graduation, you'll be a qualified Smile Practitioner, capable of fooling everyone you know! You may be miserable, sad and desperate, but we'll help you conceal all that mishegas from the world. So contact us today. We're thrilled to take your money.