The Ministry of Mumbling

"Could you hear the dialogue in 'Dunkirk'?"

"No, dear. But if you tell anyone, you're out of the will."

It's really true what they say. Except when you can't hear them say it. Then you've got trouble. And my hearing is good, people. Too good, if you want to know the truth, which I assume you do, because, let's face it, the truth is out there. Except when you can't hear it. And I'm the kind of gal who hears everything. I'm prone to saying things like, "You don't have to scream, I can hear you." In real life, my hearing is kvell-worthy. It wouldn't be unusual for someone to say, on any given Sunday, or in this case, Thursday, "Gee, if only I could hear as well as the SJG, my life would be so much better." But don't over-admire me just yet. You wouldn't be filled with envy in my presence if we went to the movies together, or even sat in my palatial estate watching TV. Case in point: "Dunkirk." Amidst the bombs dropping and the sinking ships and the general Chaos of War and the soundtrack, now and then, a character would mumble something. "What did that guy with the oil on his face just mumble?" I whispered to the youngest. "I couldn't tell ya, Ma." So, it's not just a condition of the rapidly aging. This is a universal ish! As in issue! I also can't hear all the mumbled dialogue on TV. Last night, we were watching "Broadchurch," a fabulous series filled with indecipherable mumbles. "Any idea what he just mumbled?" I asked hubby #1. "No." So to all of you actorly members of the Ministry of Mumbling, enough already. Just stop it. Speak up. Enunciate. Say it with feeling, and make sure the SJG can hear you. Embrace your outer dialogue. Sing out, Louise! Thank you.