Generally speaking, as opposed to phonetically speaking, I'm an honest gal most of the time, except for those rare moments when I fudge a bit. Let's say I'm in the market, and a Friendly Food Sample Demonstrator asks me, "Would you like to try a Hot Cheetos-Encrusted Vegan Chicken Nugget?" "That sounds revolting," sounds too cruel. "That sounds interesting, maybe I'll circle back later," sounds better, even though I'd rather eat dirt. Sometimes it's easier not to give a straight answer.
A gal who isn't me.
And speaking of straight, sometimes it's not so easy to stand up in a vertical direction, am I right? My back's gone out twice in the last three weeks, of course I'm right. Plus, it's a nice segue. The exciting discovery that I have two bulging discs in my lower back means I'm in physical therapy. Yay! It's going well. I'm now free to move about the palatial estate without screaming in agony. The only problem -- my physical therapist can't stop ma'aming me. "You're a mess, but don't worry, ma'am, I'm going to fix you." "Okay, ma'am, lie down on the heating pad, I'll be back in five." "Time for a deep tissue massage, ma'am." "Do 20 pelvic tilts and we're done for today, ma'am."
In all honesty, I haven't decided whether to mention the "ma'am" thing, even though it bugs the bejeezus outta your SJG. Other options I'm considering: "Sir" him till he gets the hint? "Yes, Sir, no, Sir, what do I do, Sir?" "Seinfeld" him till he gets the hint? "Oh yeah, Carol's ready. Check Carol out. Carol's got some new moves." "Idina Menzel" the situation?
But when have I ever been able to be so Zen? The more you tell me to let it go, the more I'll hang on for dear life. So for now, I think I've made my decision. Would you like to know what it is?
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