Society of Delusional Thinkers

Oy vey, I turn around, I dance the hora, and it's practically Rosh Hashanah. How did that happened? Wait, I know. The Jewish Holidays are weather-related. If it's hot and muggy, it must be time to dip those apples in honey and wish people you know, and some you don't, a sweet New Year. And yet, there's nothing new about this High Holiday Heat Factor. Every year, those of us who are still allowed in temple dress nicely and off we go again, fighting for a good seat, hoping that fellow congregants don't cough and sneeze and spread germs and kibbitz throughout the service. Between leaving the house and parking, however, we realize we should never have worn this skirt, those shoes, that dress, but we did, didn't we, and now we must suffer till the shofar blows. Then we can go home, strip naked and jump into the pool, whether it's our pool or somebody else's. Not to worry, though. The SJG has special powers. At least I like to think so, otherwise, I'd be shunned by the S.S.J.D.T. (Society of Short Jewish Delusional Thinkers) and we can't have that, can we?

"Actually, these aren't bad times to be delusional."

Much like my much-missed father, I've decided I can control the weather. Whether or not this is true, is beside the point. If I say I can, I can. It worked for him during WWII, when he made it rain so they wouldn't have to fly dangerous missions over Germany. Why shouldn't it work for me? Why shouldn't I be able to turn down the big temperature gauge in the sky and make it cooler, so that my Spanx don't stick to the reupholstered chair my temple dues helped pay for?

So, I'm planning to take charge of this situation. I'm planning to turn the temp down to a respectable 87 degrees. We can live with that, can't we? What? Not good enough. Oh, fine. You ask so much of me. I'll make it 86, maybe 85, in time for Rosh Hashanah. After that, you're on your own. I can't do everything for you. You need to take responsibility, too, you know. I can't enable you for life. Or maybe I can. On second thought, just tell me what you want. I'll make it happen. In this way, I'm somewhat delusional.