Alphabet For The Aged

Alphabet for the aged

A     arthritis
B     bad back
C     chest pains; cardiac
D     dental decay; decline
E     eyesight
F     fissures; fluid retention
G     gas; gastrointestinal glitches
H     high blood pressure
I     itches
J     joints (stiff)
K     knees
L     libido
M     memory; memory; memory
N     nerve (pinched); neurosis
O     osteo-(anything)
P     psoriasis
Q     queasiness
R     reflux
S     sleeplessness
T     tinnitus
U     urinary
V     vertigo
W     worry
X     X ray
Y     years gone by
Z     zeal (undiminished)

The flasher
Sadie, an elderly Jewish lady, is leaving the garment district to go home from work. Suddenly a man who has been walking towards her stands in front of her, blocks her path, opens up his raincoat and flashes his wares in all their sordid glory. Unruffled, Sadie takes a look and remarks, "This you call a lining?" 

Coffee maker 
Maurice and Becky are arguing over who should brew the coffee each morning.
Becky says, "As you get up first in the morning, Maurice, you should make it. Then we won't have to wait too long for our coffee."
"But you’re in charge of all the cooking," replies Maurice. "That’s your job, so you should make it. And if I have to wait for my coffee in the morning, well, I don't mind."
"But it says in the bible that the man should make the coffee," says Becky
"OK," responds Maurice, "if you can show me where it says that, I’ll never question you again."
Next day, Becky borrows a bible from her neighbor and shows Maurice that on the top of several pages it indeed says Hebrews!
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