Mrs. Seriously Neurotic

                                                (cartoon by Roz Chast)

The Short Jewish Gal is getting a new medal to go alongside her many Mommies and Academy of Kvetchers Awards: an honor from The Society of Extreme Worriers. The internationally-acclaimed blogger, who spends vast amounts of time fretting, nagging and enabling, was just named a Member of the Order of the Seriously Neurotic (MSN). Her award for service to her family, who've given her a lifetime supply of small, medium and large stuff she continues to sweat, no matter how many times you tell her all that worrying doesn't change anything, caps 57 years of asking the same question over and over again: "Why Me?" Contacted in her palatial home in Sherman Oaks, the SJG had this to say about the esteemed honor.

"Silver? You couldn't spring for gold?"

"Thanks a lot for this nice medal, guys. You have no idea how long I've waited for some kind of recognition. Although gold would've been better. But this is fine. And the satin banner pegging me as Mrs. Seriously Neurotic was a special bonus. I will wear it everywhere I go, including the shower. Or is that a bad idea? Do I have to get it dry cleaned? Was it made in the USA? I won't wear anything produced by forced labor. You should know that about me. Although my own labors were plenty forced, let me tell you. They kept yelling, 'Don't push!' 'Don't push!' To which I screamed, 'How am I supposed to get this thing out of me without pushing?' I'm still waiting for an answer. In the meantime, I continue to push my sons. If it weren't for me, they'd still be in kindergarten, learning how to read and hold a pencil. Sometimes, you've got to push the ones you love, or they never get anywhere. Am I right? But enough about me. In one sweeping gesture you've done what years of therapy couldn't. You've given me a medal for my assorted unresolved issues. You've made me very proud. So, hugs and kisses for that. Mwwwwaaaaaah!"