Fetch

Okay, so sue me, I've shared this classic joke with you before, only last time it was about Morty and the Vet, and this time it's Morris and his neighbor.  That's Jewish humor for you.  Change the names, change the circumstances.  Either way, it still works:

Morris gets a new dog and can't wait to show him off to his neighbor. So when the neighbor comes over, Morris calls the dog into the house, bragging about how smart he is. The dog quickly comes running and stands looking up at his master, tail wagging furiously, mouth open, tongue hanging out, eyes bright with anticipation.

Morris points to the newspaper on the couch and commands, "FETCH!" Immediately, the dog climbs onto the couch and sits down. His tail wagging stops and the doggie-smile disappears. Looking balefully up at his master, he says in a whiny voice, "You think this is easy wagging my tail all the time? Oy! It hurts from so much wagging! And you think that designer dog food you're feeding me is good? You try it. It's dreck! Too salty! And what do you care? You just push me out the door to take a squirt twice a day. I can't even remember the last time you took me out for a good walk."

The neighbor is amazed. "What the hell is that? Your dog is sitting there talking!!"

"Oh, I know," Morris says. "He's young, and I'm still training him. He thought I said KVETCH!"  http://www.jewishpath.org/rs3page2.html