Have You Seen My Nightgown?

(Sherman Oaks) Investigators are looking into the disappearance of the SJG's favorite cozy nightgown, which apparently got up and left on its own, and hasn't been seen since. "It was there in my closet, and then it wasn't," the not-so-famous blogger told the police. A desperate, door-to-door search for the missing nightgown turned up bupkis. "Haven't I been through enough?" the SJG asked, rhetorically.  "Why am I being punished?" "Better you than me," one of cops said.  Over coffee and a nice coffee cake, the SJG described her beloved nightgown in mind-numbing detail: "It's gray and long, and flannel, but not so flannel that I wake up overheated in the middle of the night. The perfect length, too. I never trip on the bottom," she said, pausing to weep, uncontrollably. "My mother-in-law gave it to me some time in the '90s. Who knows where she bought it. She's a shopper. She buys things and puts them away for months at a time.  It could've come from Macy's, Bloomies or Ross Dress For Less.  There's no way of knowing.  She cuts the tags off. All I know is this.  It is... oh God... must I shift to past tense... was the best nightgown ever.  I want it back. Whoever took my nightgown, I'm begging you to return it. Just leave it at the door, or maybe pop it in the washing machine, it's probably dusty after you dragged it all over town. What kind of person takes a ratty old nightgown, anyway?" Anyone with information on the SJG's missing nightgown is urged to contact her immediately, if not sooner.  She promises you a freshly-baked kugel and a big hug.