Thank you for entrusting your credit card information to West Elm. Unlike the schmucks at Target, we at West Elm are protecting you, in case, God forbid, some bad person should decide to hack into our system, go on a spending spree and bankrupt you. West Elm is there for you. Please remember that, because, let's face it, you're not going to like this latest update. While the news isn't great, it isn't so terrible, either, when you put things into perspective. Here's the dealio. The fancy-schmancy overpriced Moroccan headboard you have your fragile little heart set on is still in a State of Becoming. At some point, we're not exactly sure when, for we can't predict the future, but then, who can, the desired merchandise you're convinced will bring your bedroom together, decoratively-speaking, will arrive in our Fulfillment Center. When that happens, and just between us, you shouldn't hold your breathe, we will contact you, telepathically, and arrange for delivery.
We hear you're a very impatient person, under the best of circumstances, and hope you'll take enough Xanax and what other medicinal aids you need, to get through this difficult waiting period. We suggest you take time to reflect on the headboard, visualize its arrival, and God willing, it will materialize on your doorstop and all you'll have to do is assemble it. We hear your hubby is a pro at such endeavors, with the exception of that desk he tried to put together years ago. That's what happens when you buy from Staples. Listen, failure is all part of the journey, but then, you're familiar with that concept already. You work in television.
Happy Holidays from your friends at West Elm. Wishing you fulfillment, or a close approximation. And please, don't call up and yell at us. We have feelings, too, ya know.
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