Such An Honor

Oy, I'm humbled by all 
the attention.  Not really.

This just in:  The Short Jewish Gal of Sherman Oaks has been named Time magazine's Kvetcher of the Year for 2013.  Time's managing editor Shayna Maidela revealed the magazine's decision on NBC's "Today" Wednesday morning. The Short Jewish Gal, who gained world praise in 2013 for her extraordinary output of whiny, self-pitying complaints, ranging from major to minor, depending on the hour and number of calls from Life Alert, expressed surprise and delight when she got the news.  "I won't kid you, I'm happy. But tell me something, Time Magazine. Why did it take this long?  I've entered myself in this prestigious competition for 55 years in a row. Let's face it, if I had to win an award, 2013 was as good a time as any. Seriously, you have no idea what I've been through, what I've had to endure.  Most people would've crawled into a hole.  But not me.  I just stood there and took it. Oy, did I bitch like nobody's business. I turned kvetching into an art form. I internalized every injustice that came my way and let it fester. God only knows how many ulcers I'm developing as we speak.  I don't feel that great, by the way. My head hurts and frankly, I haven't slept well in some time.  I could use a nap and it's not even 9 a.m.  But listen, don't worry, I'll muddle through, I always do. Thanks for picking me, guys. I can't wait to wear my diamond tiara with pride. Wait, what is this? Cubic zirconia? Are you sh*tting me, Time Magazine?  Hello? Don't hang up, I'm talking here."