SJG Appoints Global Distribution Chief

(Sherman Oaks) SJG Enterprises is excited to announce that its beloved, much-admired founder has promoted herself to C.E.K. of SJG Global. In an interview at her diamond-encrusted headquarters, the SJG had this to say about that. "I couldn't be more honored by this unexpected appointment to C.E.K. of my new worldwide kugel distribution entity. What the world needs now is a nice slice of SJG kugel. But how to distribute it? That's the challenge I'm grappling with at the moment. Such a demanding task calls for a gifted C.E.K. And who better to fill that position than myself. I mean, hello, I've been the Chief Executive Kugeler of my life for 59 years. I'm ready to take this thing on, but it requires lots of research, lots of kugeling, to figure out how to attractively box up, freeze and distribute my miraculous noodle surprise without ruining its sweet, buttery, soul-enhancing essence. I do believe I'm up to the task, more or less. I can't wait to get out there and distribute like nobody has ever distributed before. I'd just like to thank myself for selecting me out of thousands of applicants. It's a thrill and a half, let me tell ya."