That's Just Mean

"How's 8 o'clock?"
"Too early."
"How's 11 o'clock?"
"Too late."
"What time would you like to come in?"
"8:30?"
"8:30 it is."
"Can we make it 8:45? You never know with traffic."
"8:45. See you then."
"No eating, right?"
"No food after midnight. And only water."
"What about coffee?"
"No coffee."
"Excuse me?"
"No coffee."
"Oh, dear God. Why not?"
"Coffee dehydrates you."
"Says who?"
"The doctor."
"Put him on the phone."
"He's with a patient."
"I'll drink it black."
"No coffee."
"Just a sip? A sip won't hurt anyone."
"No coffee."
"Sheesh! See you at 8:30."
"What happened to 8:45?"
"The sooner I get this over with, the sooner I get coffee."