A Visit To The Beyond

Never buy mirrors in the Beyond section.

"Guess where I went yesterday?" I ask Genie, my partner in fitness and kvetching at the gym.

"Gelson's?"

"Bed Bath & Beyond."

"How'd it go?"

"It was disturbing."

"Why?"

"I bought a magnifying mirror with a nice bronze base."

"Why would you do that to yourself?"

"I had to. I can't see the tiny stuff."

"Can't you ignore the tiny stuff? That's what I do."

"I can't ignore my eyebrows when they need plucking." 

"There are people to pluck them for you."

"I prefer to pluck them myself." 

"But a magnifying mirror?"

"It lights up and everything."

"That makes it worse."

"So much worse." 

"Did you buy anything else?"

"A new scale."

"Why would you do that to yourself?

"I had to. I was starting to hate the old one."

"How do you feel about the new one?"

"Very positive."

"What's the difference?"

"This one says I'm two pounds lighter."