Dear Magnolia,
Hey, little dudette, it's Hanukkah in a minute and the grownups in charge paid me some sweet coin to write you a hipster Hanukkah letter. My main gig's distributing awesome menorahs to the chillest boys and girls. I'm pretty stoked, although it's more intense than I expected. I kinda thought I was applying to a start-up where I'd get to play ping pong and come up with marketing stuff. Take it from me, Magnolia, adulting is hard. But before I load the candle holders in the jeep, I wanted to give you props for your semi-stellar behavior this year.
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| Magnolia and her menorah |
There were some blips along the way, I'm not gonna lie, but nothing too major. You managed to keep Callie, the goldfish you scored at the Purim Carnaval, alive for an entire year, so Mazel T on that. Back in July, you went a whole week without kicking your little bro' in the cronuts. Keep up the good work. And on Mitzvah Day, I hear you handed out free bagels. The part about dipping them in glitter isn't cool, Magnolia. Might be time to up your game, little dudette. Go out there and spin your dreidel for good. For eight days, eat your latkes, Magnolia, light some candles, and above all, be chill.
-- The Hanukkah Hipster xo
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