Marital Advice for William & Kate

Flowers from William and Kate

Dear SJG,
We are delighted to be working with you as our newly-anointed personal Jewish consultant. As you can imagine, not everyone is thrilled with the news of our conversion to your faith.  Perhaps you could offer us some early marital advice, as we gear up for all the pomp and circumstance, the yada yada yada, of our impending nuptials. We look forward to meeting you and can't wait to see what hat you've picked out for our engagement brunch.  Per your suggestion, we've ordered a nice spread from Nate n' Als.  Lox is rather expensive.  Who knew?
Cheers,
Prince William and his Kateness

Dear Will and Kate,
You guys are spoiling me!  The flowers are beyond gorgeous!  Thanks ever so much.  I completely kvelled when I received them.  I'm so honored to be working with you as your personal maven on all things Jewish, I could plotz. All the media attention, however, is a tad overwhelming.  Paparazzi staked out in front of my home night and day.  Oy gevalt.  Seriously, how do you people deal?  Per your request, I've carefully selected material that you may find helpful.  The enclosed video features a pent-up fellow named Sam Kinison, alev ha sholem. Take his views on marriage with a major grain of salt.  The SJG first encountered this meshuggah comic in the living room of close friends in the early '80s, before anyone knew about him.  He was hired to rant at a bunch of Jews, as part of a birthday celebration. He stood there in his dirty raincoat, giving such a geschrei at the top of his lungs, we were scared sh*tless. A few months later, he showed up on "SNL" and we felt like such big machers. 
Much love to you and yours,
the SJG
P.S.  Did you get the ruggelach I sent?