"I have a warrant to search the house of the SJG."
"What did I do this time, officer?"
"I understand you're hoarding candy."
"Hoarding is a little harsh. The bowl is right there on the dining room table."
"I'll just have a look around."
"Help yourself, officer."
"Maybe just one Reese's. You have M&M's, too?"
"Peanut and plain."
"I'll need a few of these for evidence."
"Enjoy, officer."
"Thanks."
"I like your costume, by the way."
"This isn't a costume. I'm an officer with the Division of Candy Confiscation."
"Your mother must be very proud. Have a Twix. It's delish."
"Enough with the sweets, SJG. I gotta watch my waistline. Where's the rest of the stash?"
"Stash? What stash? I told you, it's all right there in the bowl."
"That's not all of it."
"Yes, it is."
"Don't make me arrest you."
"There might be an extra bag around here somewhere."
"Just one?"
"Two at the most."
"Turn it over."
"What? Why? Is it illegal to have candy in the house?"
"It would be criminal to let all those calories go directly to your hips."
"You're right, officer. I'm so glad you stopped by to save me from myself. Here, take it. Take it all. Take every piece."
"I appreciate your cooperation, ma'am."
"What choice do I have? My last mug shot was terrible. I need a makeup artist and better lighting before I go through that again."
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