The Definition of Brunch

There are brunches masquerading as lunches, and lunches masquerading as brunches. You put a bagel on a plate, maybe some lox, some decent cream cheese, and the atmosphere of the room changes. Suddenly, normally smart people get dumb. They don't know what meal it is, what day it is, what time it is. Which brings us back to brunch. What is it, anyway? Is it breakfast and lunch combined? In which case, do I have to skip one of them? I'd rather not. I need a little bite to get the SJG Kvetch Mobile up and running. I don't care where I'm going later, I need sustenance. My father taught me, "When in doubt, eat." Give me caffeine or give me half-and-half. Either way, they're both going to wind up in a pretty mug together, much like long married people who belong together. Which, as luck would have it, brings me to the point of today's blog. What's that? Is there ever a point to my blog? How dare you! Go spend brunch by yourself and get back to me when you've come up with the appropriate answer.

Now then, back to my point, for, despite the rudeness of the afore-mentioned blog interrupter, there is one, I promise. To review: Much like coffee and half-and-half, much like a horse and carriage, much like those things and other things, certain people just go together. Do I have anyone in mind? Why, yes, in fact I do. My in-laws. They go together like corned beef and rye, matzohs ball and chicken soup, bagels and lox. (See what I did there? I'm bringing it back to brunch, bitches!)

My in-laws have been married 60 years. If that's not something to kvell over, what is? And so today, in honor of this wowza achievement, we will brunch. Or perhaps some will lunch and pretend it's brunch. While others will make a fuss and drive the people at the fancy-schmancy hotel brunching spot crazy with unbrunch-like demands: "What do you mean you don't serve swan? I saw some floating around out front. I hear they taste like chicken." At noon, a-brunching we will go, even if some of us don't really know what that means or how to behave. Toasts to the happily married couple will ring true, even if hearing aids must be turned up in order to hear them.