Only a few more shopping days till January 1st, and I can't decide what sort of birthday gift to buy for 2016. Something tells me the coming year is going to need a lot of stuff. Maybe a nice sweater to keep 2016 cozy? And a warm blankie, extra large. Every new year likes to be swaddled and burped and rocked back and forth like a baby. This gift is really starting to come together. I need to throw a few more items in the basket, so I don't look cheap. I'd hate to insult 2016 right out the gate. So. What else should I give 2016? I'm thinking a lucky charm. No. A whole bracelet of lucky charms. Every year could use some luck. Oh, and some shower gel. No gift is complete without shower gel. A large vat of peach blossom body wash to keep 2016 feeling clean and refreshed. I'll pick some up at Costco, along with industrial-strength ibuprofen. Chances are, 2016 will start off with a massive 2015 hangover. I don't want 2016 to feel bad on any level. I'll put in a bottle of cough medicine, and some decongestant. God forbid, 2016 should catch a cold on the campaign trail. One sneeze and we'd all get infected. I might as well include some chicken soup. A big pot of it, with extra matzoh balls. It couldn't hurt. A few self-help books, too: "How To Keep 2016 From Turning to Total Sh*t." "Time Management Tips for 2016." "If You Can't Say Something Nice: 2016 Political Edition." Hmm. What's missing from this gift? It's not quite there yet. Wine! A bottle of the finest Napa grape. Oh, hell, make it a case. 2016's going to need to chill now and then. Some chocolates, too. Dark and rich, imported from Sherman Oaks. I sure hope the new year likes my present. What are you going to get 2016? Better hurry. Only a few more shopping days left. Get out there, you. Everything's on sale.
I'm sure 2016 will be delighted with all those great gifts. It's much more than the half glass of champagne it gets from me every year.
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