Hush Candy

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Your neighbor."
"Your neighbor who?"
"Your neighbor across the street."
"The new gal who never smiles or acknowledges my existence, even when I stand on the driveway, waving like any idiot?"
"That's me."
"Sure, I'll open the door.  Howdy, neighbor!"
"Hello.  Here's a note and some candy."
"Aw, you shouldn't have.  I have nothing for you, by the way."
"That's okay.  We're having a party Saturday night."
"Great."
"I'm hoping you'll show patience and cooperation."
"Have you met me?"
"I'm meeting you now."
"I'm all about patience and cooperation.  Unless I haven't slept well, then all bets are off.  What's this really about?  I'm picking up on some subtext here.  Out with it, lady."
"Please don't call the police on us."
"The police?  Why would I call the police?"
"I heard you got some guys on the block kicked out for making noise."
"Oh, you mean the drug dealers who used to jump off the roof and set bonfires in the backyard?  Yes, that was some of my best work."


"If we make noise at our party, please don't rat us out to the cops."
"Well, I'll try, but you must understand my background.  I was raised by a father who always called the police on inconsiderate a-hole neighbors.  It's in my DNA."
"What if invite you?  Will that help?  There's going to be a bouncy castle and tacos."
"That's not much of an incentive."
"And live music."
"Live music?!  Why didn't you say so in the first place? What time should I get there?"
"Any time's cool."
"Uh, that's a little open-ended."
"Well, it's Christmas.  It's pretty hang-loose.  Stop by whenever you like."
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"The Short Jewish Gal."
"The Short Jewish Gal who?"
"The Short Jewish Gal who cant be bribed with a few Hershey's kisses. A box of See's would've worked better.  I'm just sayin'."
"I'll remember that next year."
"Next year?  You mean this party of yours is going to be an annual thing?"
"Absolutely.  Merry Christmas."
"Shalom.  And keep it down after 11, if you want to stick around the neighborhood."
(12-23-12)