Prank-Less In Pasadena

"Oy, what fools these mortals be!"

Dear SJG,
I'm so distraught I don't know what to do, so I turn to you, Maven of the Kvetch Department, always open, no appointment necessary, in hopes that you, President and CEO of Hope For The Best, Expect The Worst, Inc., will help me through my latest issue. Yesterday was April Fools Day and no one, not one person, played a prank on me, or tried to trick me in any conceivable way. Not one person said, "Your thong is showing... Made you look." Which would have been a good one, since I don't even wear a thong. Although, I used to wear thongs, the forerunner of flip-flops until some dude invented the thong and people of a certain age were forbidden by law to call cheap-ass sandals that do nothing to support you feet thongs. I'm assuming a dude invented the thong because no woman in her right mind would come up with wedgie-style undies and call it sexy or comfortable. So, my question to you is this: Since no one tried to prank me on April Fools Day, what does that say about me?
Thanks,
Prank-Less in Pasadena

Dear Prank-Less,
What it says is this: You're old. There's no fun in pranking the elderly. Pranking the elderly could lead to sudden death, and no one wants that on their conscience.
You're Welcome,
The SJG

Dear SJG,
Since when is 58 old?
Pissy in Pasadena

Dear Pissy,
Since the beginning of time.
You're Welcome,
The SJG