Why are human beings so gross?
Sincerely,
Burbank Burpee
Let's face it, humans are revolting. We don't exactly arrive on a bed of roses. We have bodily functions that must be attended to, or the economy would go belly up. Entire industries depend on our grossness. If we were all effortlessly fresh as a daisy, there'd be no reason for air fresheners, diffusers, scented plug-ins, mists and celebrity fragrances. If we didn't reek, consumer-wise, it'd be catastrophic. Production of deodorant, soap, shampoo, bubble bath, tooth paste, mouthwash and eco-friendly laundry detergent would grind to a halt. There goes romance. There goes OkCupid. There goes Valentine's Day. No one wants to buy flowers and candy for a smelly person. There'd be no more wedding planners because there'd be no weddings to plan. Even worse, on a personal level, there'd be no antacids, no Oy-X, my go-to for multi-symptom relief. Careers... relationships... everything we hold near and dear (thanks to all those pricy, extra-strength odor-fighters) would end, badly. Don't you get it, Burpee? If we weren't gross, civilization as we know it would crumble like a stale hamentashen.
You're Welcome,
The SJG
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