Hellody, friends. Here I am, actually, here's someone who doesn't look anything like me, but aren't the gloves the best, doing something that's all the rage.
What exactly am I doing? I'm so glad you asked.
I'm practicing patience. As in, making myself wait. Why? I'll tell you why. Because it's a mindfulness exercise. Supposedly, waiting for things makes us happier in the long run. Delayed gratification, that's the ticket.
Just between us, who ever came up with this ridiculous notion must've been heavily medicated. Or not Jewish. Or both.
Not working for you yet? Yeah, me, neither. So try this, instead: Stop doing things that aren't important. Well, I hope they don't expect me to stop collecting doves. That's my new hobby. I just love it, except for
de düva kaka. I just got this
schmatta washen!
What's that? You want more? I'm right there with you: Think about things that make you impatient, which for me, is pretty much everything. Start by releasing all that emotional baggage you've been schlepping around since birth. Come on, gang. Let's do this together. On the count of three. Baggage, be gone! Or, if you prefer, check it,
bevakasha. (See what I did there? Anyone?)
I've saved the best, and easiest for last, you're welcome: Relax and take deep doggy breaths. Doggies are so much more chill than humans, don't you agree? As long as no one steals their food, invades their personal space or appears in squirrel-like form to taunt them.
For the impatient: Instant fashion. Quick ways of becoming a raving
beauty with no age tag.
I'll take it. Sorry. I mean, I'll wait a few minutes, pretend to be patient, take deep, cleansing doggy breaths, and then I'll take it.
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